Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Dlog

I didn’t get ANYTHING for Christmas! Not even one little treat. I didn’t believe them when they said I wouldn’t. After all, everyone who knows me tells me I’m cute, and adorable, and sweet, and well behaved, and no trouble at all. Usually, I am just that.

But lately they have been so wrapped up writing blogs and books, they haven’t had time for as many long walks. He keeps going to work without me. She keeps letting it rain or snow or get really cold so I don’t want to go out even with that stupid sweater on. Then they go shopping and say it’s too cold in the Jeep for me so I have to stay home alone. Most of the time they let me watch TV but honestly, how long do I have to watch the Weather Channel? At least they could get Animal Planet or something. Heck! Sometimes they forget to even leave the light on and I have to sit here in the dark all by myself.

What’s a dog to do? I was bored. It was hanging there all month just looking so tempting. I resisted for a really long time. How was I to know it was the worst thing to do? I’m a dog. There was no way I could have known what a terrible thing I was thinking about doing.

Every time I sat on the couch it was there and finally, while they were at the store…again…I ate Santa’s hat...on the afternoon of Christmas Eve!

I chewed the silly white ball at the end of the pointy part off and just pulled it to shreds. Hey! It was fun! I got to take out all my frustrations. It felt so good snarling and barking at it when they weren’t home to hear me and say “no barking”. But they got really upset. How did I know Dad was supposed to use it that night? Now that I think about it, I should have eaten this one.

They made me wear it even longer this year than last year just so she could take a picture. After they picked up the white stuff from the couch and the floor and the chair and the rug and the blanket, they told me Santa wasn’t going to bring me anything for Christmas.

And then they said they were going to have to do something about me. They said I’m a smart dog and that I had only 52 weeks to make up for what I had done to Santa. They said I had to think about how to be a better dog in 2009. They said if I’m so bored I should do something constructive instead of destructive. They said I was going to have to make some New Years Resolutions. And then they made the first one for me.

So here goes:

I, Clancy, the Gourmet Wiener Dog, do hereby resolve:

This Dlog is #1. No I did not misspell it. D(og)+ log(record of my days) =DLOG. I resolve to post one dlog a week for the entire year of 2009 in hopes that Santa Claus will understand that I’m not really a naughty dog.

This isn’t the first time I’ve posted on Blogger. I posted once on Mom’s blog back on November 10,2008. That’s the first time most people got a chance to know me. You should check it out here .

Now here are the ones I thought up.

2) I am going to try to stop whining to go out when Dad is really busy. ( I didn’t say promise; I said try.) I know that when Dad does take me out it will be fun and we’ll enjoy exploring together. I’ll even try to remember that I don’t have to always wait for Dad to be with me in order to poop. Mom can use the little pink and blue bags almost as well as he can. I can’t promise not to try to chase the squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and armadillos, however, I’ll remember that Mom doesn’t run as fast as Dad does.

3) I won’t promise to stop shedding all over the place. I will, however, try to avoid dropping all my white fur on their black pants and my black fur on the white shirts. But if I forget, I won’t stress out about it. I know it helps Mom relax when we go outside with the Furminator and as for me…ahhhh. So if I shed a little it’s just a reminder for her to get it out of the drawer.

4) I’m going to be on the lookout for more exciting things to tell them about even when they say ‘no barking”. After all they can’t be expected to see every cat, fly, snake, and tumbleweed that passes in front of the RV. that's my job. That’s why I sit in the front window all the time.

5) I’ll find more wonderful smells to follow, water to splash in, and lovely icky things to roll in. After all, I’m almost five years old now. I can’t expect them to provide for my every need.

6) Most of all, I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep. I’m only canine after all. Dogs do make mistakes from time to time. We don’t very often learn much from them, like humans say they do, but at least we have fun while getting into trouble.

I hope you’ll come visit me each week and see where I've been and see who I've met. Maybe you'll be able to see what kind of scrapes I’ve gotten myself out of.

Oh, and Santa, next year you will see a dog worthy of a whole stocking full of treats-honest!



Yarntangler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yarntangler said...

Clancy, you sure did a better job on your DLOG than I did on my comment! I deleted it by accident. What I tried to say was that We'll try hard to have more fun with you this year. We know it's usually our fault when you are bored! And you really are such a smart adorable sweet...

spiritualastronomer said...

Very cool DLOG, Clancy. How well do you think you can train those humans?