Friday, January 30, 2009


So how was I supposed to know? It was right there under the porch. It smelled good, looked good, and the box was open. So I dragged it out from under the porch and sampled a few. Then I had a few more.

Not bad...not bad...

Then I heard Mom say,"What has Clancy got?" Dad came running over and took the box away from me.

Not good!!!!!!!

Mom freaked out! Dad freaked out!

The next thing I knew we were in the car and mom was awfully tense. We drove to a nice place with a nice patch of grass out side. The interesting thing about the grass was that I could tell lots of other dogs had been here before.

But they wouldn't let me check it out. We went inside. Yeah! A people place where they let me go in. This was getting more intriguing by the moment. There was a Pekingese sitting with a lady on one side and a couple of my favorite creatures-kids- sitting with two baby labs on the other side. Hmmm, seems I've been in a place like this before...nah...they wouldn't do that to me again ...would they?

Then a guy I didn't know came and picked me up and put me on a scale. 18.9 lbs. that's not bad at all. I've only gained 2 lbs since I was a year old. I'm almost 5 years old now but I don't show it. Humans all think I'm still a "sweet little puppy".

I went back to tell Mom I wasn't overweight and found Grandfather had come to the place too and he was looking kinda worried. Before I could tell them my good news another guy came and took me into a room with a big cold table. Dad came with me but then they told him to go wait with Mom.

Now I was was beginning to get a bit worried myself but they were really nice. They put some drops in my eyes which made me a little sleepy and just as I started to relax my tummy went BLURP!

Then it went BLURP again.

Then it went BLURP again.

And while I was busy BLURPING out green stuff they stuck me in the butt with a needle!

Finally they took me into another room with another table and they let Mom and Dad and Grandfather come in too. They talked awhile but I didn't pay much attention because I was still BLURPING a little bit. Then they gave Mom some pills for me (Dad thinks he's fooling me every morning when he asks me if I want a treat- but I know they are pills- they don't taste too bad so I let him think he's got me hornswaggled).

The nice man-they called him The Vet -told Mom to get something called peroxide in case I ever ate any of those green things again. Then she is supposed to give me 15 CCs (is that for Clancy Cumberland?). Then they will have to take me to a vet again to make me BLURP some more

Well it was an interesting day but the BLURPING wasn't much fun. So I thought I'd warn all my friends out there. Mystik and Annie and Barny and Pinky and Maxie and Makita and all the rest of you, and I guess even the cats, that if you ever find a box like this
Don't eat the green things!

Woof at ya later,

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Strange Day in Tulsa

People are hard to understand. I like Mom and Dad, but sometimes they’re just weird. Like today for instance.

Last night I took a lot of left over supper wrappings out of the bag they call the "trash", and chewed them up because they smelled really good. (I still don’t know why they go to all the trouble of putting stuff like that into a bag for me if they don’t want me to have it.) Anyway, for my punishment, as usual, I had to go to my bed and lie down. I put on the usual hang-dog “I’m sorry” look, and that seemed to satisfy them. Actually I was kind of tired anyway, so I just closed my eyes.

I figured I’d still be in trouble today, because they were keeping a close watch on me, and using words like “bored” and “antsy”, which usually means they’re talking about me. So you can imagine my surprise when they decided we were going “for a ride”. In the “Jeep”. Those two sounds almost always mean we’re going to get into the small house and take really short trips, and I get to sit guard while they go inside strange buildings and come back out with bags of things. Well, what the heck.

After a while, and a couple of good guarding jobs (I always know when I’ve done a good job, because Dad is very surprised that nobody stole the “car”…that’s his pet name for the little house) I was out of trouble and back in the “Good Girl” category. Then they went to one more place, and when they came out they had a present for me!

Now, here’s the weird thing…they were all happy and petting me and real excited for me, and said I was getting it for being such a Good Girl. You know what it was? Are you ready for this?

It was a new bed.

That’s right. I was such a good girl they got me something new to go lay down on when I’m bad.

People. What are you going to do?

Actually, it’s pretty comfy, so maybe it won’t be so bad getting into trouble next time.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Dlog

I didn’t get ANYTHING for Christmas! Not even one little treat. I didn’t believe them when they said I wouldn’t. After all, everyone who knows me tells me I’m cute, and adorable, and sweet, and well behaved, and no trouble at all. Usually, I am just that.

But lately they have been so wrapped up writing blogs and books, they haven’t had time for as many long walks. He keeps going to work without me. She keeps letting it rain or snow or get really cold so I don’t want to go out even with that stupid sweater on. Then they go shopping and say it’s too cold in the Jeep for me so I have to stay home alone. Most of the time they let me watch TV but honestly, how long do I have to watch the Weather Channel? At least they could get Animal Planet or something. Heck! Sometimes they forget to even leave the light on and I have to sit here in the dark all by myself.

What’s a dog to do? I was bored. It was hanging there all month just looking so tempting. I resisted for a really long time. How was I to know it was the worst thing to do? I’m a dog. There was no way I could have known what a terrible thing I was thinking about doing.

Every time I sat on the couch it was there and finally, while they were at the store…again…I ate Santa’s hat...on the afternoon of Christmas Eve!

I chewed the silly white ball at the end of the pointy part off and just pulled it to shreds. Hey! It was fun! I got to take out all my frustrations. It felt so good snarling and barking at it when they weren’t home to hear me and say “no barking”. But they got really upset. How did I know Dad was supposed to use it that night? Now that I think about it, I should have eaten this one.

They made me wear it even longer this year than last year just so she could take a picture. After they picked up the white stuff from the couch and the floor and the chair and the rug and the blanket, they told me Santa wasn’t going to bring me anything for Christmas.

And then they said they were going to have to do something about me. They said I’m a smart dog and that I had only 52 weeks to make up for what I had done to Santa. They said I had to think about how to be a better dog in 2009. They said if I’m so bored I should do something constructive instead of destructive. They said I was going to have to make some New Years Resolutions. And then they made the first one for me.

So here goes:

I, Clancy, the Gourmet Wiener Dog, do hereby resolve:

This Dlog is #1. No I did not misspell it. D(og)+ log(record of my days) =DLOG. I resolve to post one dlog a week for the entire year of 2009 in hopes that Santa Claus will understand that I’m not really a naughty dog.

This isn’t the first time I’ve posted on Blogger. I posted once on Mom’s blog back on November 10,2008. That’s the first time most people got a chance to know me. You should check it out here .

Now here are the ones I thought up.

2) I am going to try to stop whining to go out when Dad is really busy. ( I didn’t say promise; I said try.) I know that when Dad does take me out it will be fun and we’ll enjoy exploring together. I’ll even try to remember that I don’t have to always wait for Dad to be with me in order to poop. Mom can use the little pink and blue bags almost as well as he can. I can’t promise not to try to chase the squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and armadillos, however, I’ll remember that Mom doesn’t run as fast as Dad does.

3) I won’t promise to stop shedding all over the place. I will, however, try to avoid dropping all my white fur on their black pants and my black fur on the white shirts. But if I forget, I won’t stress out about it. I know it helps Mom relax when we go outside with the Furminator and as for me…ahhhh. So if I shed a little it’s just a reminder for her to get it out of the drawer.

4) I’m going to be on the lookout for more exciting things to tell them about even when they say ‘no barking”. After all they can’t be expected to see every cat, fly, snake, and tumbleweed that passes in front of the RV. that's my job. That’s why I sit in the front window all the time.

5) I’ll find more wonderful smells to follow, water to splash in, and lovely icky things to roll in. After all, I’m almost five years old now. I can’t expect them to provide for my every need.

6) Most of all, I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep. I’m only canine after all. Dogs do make mistakes from time to time. We don’t very often learn much from them, like humans say they do, but at least we have fun while getting into trouble.

I hope you’ll come visit me each week and see where I've been and see who I've met. Maybe you'll be able to see what kind of scrapes I’ve gotten myself out of.

Oh, and Santa, next year you will see a dog worthy of a whole stocking full of treats-honest!